Monday, June 8, 2009

Check out the NEW SITE :

Hey Mi Amours!!!


All my posts will now be posted straight to the new site and no longer on this site, hope you like the new one!!

LEAVE ME A REPLY and let me know!!!


Hey Mi Amours!!!


All my posts will now be posted straight to the new site and no longer on this site, hope you like the new one!!

LEAVE ME A REPLY and let me know!!!

Friday, May 15, 2009

I love him...... but im not in love

For what feels like an eternity i've been trying to figure out what the difference is between loving someone (not your family or friends but your boyfriend or partner) and being in love with someone. How do you know when you love him/her but your no longer in love with that person? And if your not in love does that mean that you should just be friends?

This is something i've been struggling with for some time. See the thing is that when you love someone its more or less the same as being in love with that person; if you speak to them they make you smile, if you see them they give you butterflies when they get a little closer, if they are going through some bad times, your heart aches for them you know? So where is the line?

I think the first thing that i have learned is that you can fall in and out of love as quickly as you can turn a light switch on and off. I think you know when your no longer in love with someone when you have the ability to disconnect with them emotionally. It's like, when your in love, no matter how hard you try or how bad the relationship is you can NOT disconnect emotionally, to the point where you find that your mind is racing 24/7 with thoughts of that person. I think there comes a point when that stops! When you can leave that person in a room or politely excuse yourself from a conversation that is about to get ugly and actually go to sleep without asking yourself 100 questions before you can even start to function like a human being again.

But what does it mean if you can 100% say that you love someone......... but your not in love? Does it mean that that person is just a friend, after all isn't that the only difference between friends and "the one;" with the former you love them but with the latter your totally in love with them?

After trying to figure this out for the last 9 months, having moments when i hated him, then loved him, then just "didn't give a shit anymore" I realised that my initial reaction was wrong. When I first could admit to myself and truly knew in my heart that i'd fallen out of love, i thought it was a sure sign that the relationship was done, and i was about to break out the friendship bracelet( i kid you not, it was going to be my lil peace offering) Now after nearly a year of torturous confusion and emotional turmoil (dn't act like i'm the only one that's been up at night trying to figure shit out, bout to write some mad list of pros and cons.....) Anyways.... i've decided that in any long lasting relationship people will fall in and out of love.

People are people and your always going to have 2nd thoughts, but if you still love that person no matter what............. isn't that in some ways stronger than being in love? You see if your in love you can fall out of love right? But if you love someone........ well you just love them..... they become a permanent fixture in your heart..... like they become a part of you. So doesn't it make sense that your probably meant to be together when you just have unconditional love for a person?

Saying that takes me back to the whole friend thing....... what's the difference between a friend and that person you should spend the rest of your life with? To be honest I'm questioning if there is a difference........ how many times have you heard that lil speech that "you should be friends first," implying that........... if your not friends its not going to work out, eventually the sex will fizzle out or conversation will fall flat on its ass and you'll be left with no connection.

I suppose in reality its all about balance, you need a friendship but you need to have a spark of passion that makes the difference between "were great friends, lets watch a DVD" and " were great friends but we ain't gona see the end of this DVD......" (if you get my drift) But hold on that leads me to another question: Can you just be really good friends with a physical connection and sexual attraction? ...........................or is that in itself the definition of a boyfriend/girlfriend/wifey etc? Do you have friends that your attracted to and "love" to death and would even have great sex with, but would never be in a relationship with?

OK.... i give up! Thoughts please: Maybe someone can straighten this out for me?

Cherie Amour

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Money come, Money go......Money stay??

Money Money Money........this word is literally taking over my life! Have you wondered why o why it is that when you have no money you spend no money...... but yet as you start to earn money you somehow can NOT seem to keep any of it???!!! Am I just a bad saver or is there something else going on here??! (ok its takes a while to get to my point but keep reading and you will learn how to save money..... i did!)

OK so when it comes to finances I have been there, highs and lows. When I was in university at like.... 18/19/20 I had more money than i knew what to do with.... I mean out of my ears, shopping every other weekend, $100'z worth of shit i can't even find anymore money! *looks up and shakes head* o baby...... those were the good days!

I had enough money to have my own car, apartment, go on holidays annually with ma gurlies and even have enough dosh to GIVE SHIT AWAY!!!! yea....... i was all for buying the rounds.... shame you didn't know me back then! .....Anyways then this bitchass recession came to fruition and started kickin ma ass like it was goin outta fashion!!! (sound familiar?)

First the jobs(i say jobS cos i had two, yes two and lost 2..... yes TWO!)..... bye!.... then the car.....asta-la-vista Baby -G (that was ma cars name!) Nehu the apartment shortly followed and the numerous phone contracts etc etc etc....... the long and short of it is i lost it all! Yea cry me a river........ for real this shit should bring as tear to your eye...... *sniff sniff* (nah, i kid.... im over it now.) Bear wit me im gettin to the lesson.....

Anyways once it was all gone I learnt to live on NOTHING!!! im dead serious.... i found a way to eat without buying a single item from any fast food place or cafe or restaurant.... i had it down to a tea...... i mean i could go to a bar, drink for free and have a hot darn fab nite out!

So I get another job when i moved to NYC a few months ago and although i have more than i did when i had NO INCOME i still can't seem to keep any of it! Anyway here's the lesson......

I think that when we know that we will have money coming in the next week or month, we abuse the money that we have at the moment.... its like "yea i can buy this $20 top that i totally don't need, cos tomorrow i'll have another $20" .... what I and alot of other people seem NOT to realise is money/income is NEVER guaranteed! The only thing that is guaranteed is that you will always need money:


NO guarantee you will get money
100% guarantee you will NEED money

This is the lesson that i have learnt the hard way. The question that i asked myself was why can't i seem to save money? And the answer that I found was that its all about your frame of mind! When i was broke i thought "I'm broke!" end of..... there was no questions involved!...... NO you can't have the top YOUR BROKE! ....... NO you don't need the food, even if your stomach is cussin your ass OUT LOUD (for the world to hear!) ..... that was that.... NO meant NO!

The thing is i gt a little bit of freedom cos i started gettin a little ass paycheck.... n i mean LITTLE, fink minimum wage....retail...p/t.....ya dig! (its emotional, dont laugh!) Anyway i know im gettin ma little ass paycheck so i fink i can buy a little ass gift.... (you do it too rite?)...... well heres the THING, YOU CAN'T!!!!! ....... WHY? ........ cos your ASS is still BROKE!!!!

You need to tell yourself that every time you go to a mall..... or a fast food place....... why?........ cos having a little ass bit of money...... is worse than having no money at all..... as your under the illusion that you got something when the reality is...... you can not affordit! You can NOT afford to buy anything that you couldn't buy FIVE TIMES over without flinching!

That's my rule.... if i can't afford to buy it FIVE times over without flinchin.,... then i do NOT have enough MONEY to buy it!!!

Just try that and i guarantee you will start to save! The thing is you have to put your mind in BROKE mode, cos then you start to find ways to get by, and save more money than you would have ever saved before.

Think BROKE and you will save! Use the five time rule and you will curb you spending!

Anyhu try it out and let me know if it works!!! Here's the ohter thing i realised...... if i lived without it before..... i can live without it again! Happy saving!!

Cherie Amour

Just a thought..... on how to break out!

Ok so what happens when your really wna leave but haven't got the strength to do it???

What happens when your in that place where your caught between a rock and a hard place..... u don't want to stay because you know it could be better but you don't wana leave cos.... lets face it it could be worse! .... much worse..... what to do??

This is a conundrum that I find myself in more often than i would like.... its somewhere that countless numbers of my friends have been and to be perfectly honest there is no one perfect answer........

But I had a thought today that I wish to share...... if you can stay with a guy and slowly detach yourself, emotionally....... gta keep d physical ting goin though..... otherwise lets face it your just gna be angry n tight all the time!............ anyway i think you can stay in a relationship while you go outside of the relationship and look for someone else...... as long as the other person knows that this shit is NO LONGER EXCLUSIVE!

Anyways i was just thinking about it and wondered if that is a terrible way to think/ a terrible thing to do?? Let me know!

No lessons today..... when it comes to this subject im still learning!

Cherie Amour


Monday, April 27, 2009

The one

Ok so i was at the end of my tether again this weekend. My boyfriend/x-boyfriend/ unclassifiable other half and I have an extremely complicated relationship especially with me being overseas and all. So i was having a good old banter with "the wise one" aka mummy and we got onto the topic of relationships. Of course we didn't specifically talk about me and my other half, as its important to draw the line between mother and friend..... but that's another story! Anyhu i learnt a few lessons so thought i would share.

If you find them helpful, disagree, love, hate em or even think they are relevant leave a comment by clicking on the comment link below this post.

OK so you know when you have those relationships where you give and give and give and for some reason you never seem to get back what you put in........... that imbalance is not just a display of a lack of effort on one persons part it is also a sign of an imbalance of power. He has all the power and you, well unfortunately all you will end up with is a whole in your pocket and a whole in your wallet!!

What you need to do is understand that if your constantly giving more than you receive the chances are that he/she doesn't want the relationship as much as you do. Yea, I get it your in love, and there is ALWAYS a healthy excuse for why exactly he/she couldn't make it to your show or didn't feel like driving to your house that night, but sooner or later you have to just admit it................. these are excuses NOT reasons!!!

Another thing is this............. you know when you start off in a relationship and sometimes, not always, its smooth sailing, you know easy going, no arguments, no psychotic displays of jealously or rage.......... yea dig deep people......... there you go. Well, after those times pass you are left with the reality of a relationship:
  • arguments: if its everyday..... chile get out of dat mess, it is not healthy and its not fair on either of you, plus your dragging out the inevitable.....which is that ultimately one of you will get tired of it and RUN, far far away! either that or someone will end up wid a busted lip......
  • stress; every relationship has its stresses, just because it is largely affected by your life circumstances............... if your stressed at work, when u get home who u gna end up irritable at????
  • decisions; the main one being am i gna stay wit this person or should i pack ma damn bags......
Don't get me wrong, even in the worst relationship you can find some good times, BUT PLEASE, ladies and gentlemen...... boys and girls, do not CONFUSE a bad relationship, with some good times, with a good relationship with some bad times. And let me warn you........ it is a VERY VERY thin line!!!

Anyways the point is that if your a serious person and not a groupie when a relationship gets to that point where you don't know what to do i think you need to ask a series of questions: (and please do not LIE to yourself about the answers.... that's jus plain pointless)

  1. Are you in love? There is a BIG difference between being "in love" with a person and "loving" someone, i love ma friends and family but i ain't in love with them, hell theres a possibility you may love some of your ex's but guess wt............. dey ex's for a reason ya dig!
  2. Does your path and the one in question's path lead to the same place? In other words are you going to end up wasting 4 years of your life cos while he/she was in uni you were good but now his/her ass wants to move across seas???? (something i myself am guilty of)
  3. And this is not a question this is just a fact:
When you are with the person who is the one................. you will know that they are the one!

See the thing is a lot of people just hang around in relationships that are mediocre, you know they are content but never happy, and the problem is that one day you will go out and look for that thing that you are missing then............... BOOM the relationship "dun!"

Here's the thing..... if the sex is WACK now, like you just don't have that connection..... guess what.... the chances are you ain't never gna have that connection then ..............surprise surprise one of you is probably gna cheat............... relationship "dun!"

If he never bought you shit in the beginning........... what you fink is gna happen later down the line........ nothing....... people don't change if they have no reason to, and some people don't even change if they have a GOOD REASON to change!

If he was scarred of commitment before..... what the hell you think he gna say when u wana get a mortgage wit his ass or just a joint account.............. muvafucka gna telll u HELLLL NO!

Anyway i think there are a number of lessons that can be learnt form this but the main one can be summed up as:

When you find the one...... you will know he/she is the one..................... if your if-ing, but-ing and constantly questioning a relationship and having to manoeuvre each week with the skill of a race track professional, you need to be true to yourself, even if you know it may be painful in the short term!

Cherie Amour

Friday, April 24, 2009

Hobson’s Choice: a fatal handgun or a fatal taser?

On Friday 24th April 2009 "The Afrospear" and "Electronic villiage" are setting aside a day for bloggers all over the world to stand up against the use of tasers, otherwise referred to by the NYPD as “Conducted Energy Devices (CED’s). To participate in this Day of Blogging for Justice: Standing Up Against the Police Pre-Trial Electrocution simply:

1. Post a blog about outlining your concerns and views on the tasering of black people.
2. Send an e-mail to to allow a record of participation to be created.

(Go to for more information) is strongly against the use of tasers following the shocking information revealed by the New York Civil Liberties Union . The NYCLU highlight the fact that NYPD appear to be increasing the use of tasers without conducting any kind of research of public opinion. The Rand Report , which was supposed to be aimed at evaluating the racial disparities in NYPD practices, following the fatal shooting of Sean Bell, a 23-year old black man who was killed on his wedding day by undercover and plain clothes officers, has instead focused on supporting the increased use of tasers as a replacement for handguns. The use of these weapons has been linked to hundreds of serious injuries and fatalities. Thus the question remains, does it make sense to replace one deadly weapon with another?

Last year in New York police fatally shot a Mr. Morales, who was a 35 year old man suffering from mental illness. The police were in fact responding to a call by Mr. Morales’ mother, who had resorted to calling the NYPD after her son had stopped taking his medication. This had resulted in him standing on a mental box that was on top of a store’s security gate, naked, screaming incoherently with an 8 foot luminescent light bulb in his grasp.

Lt. Michael Pigott had issued the order to shoot Mr. Morales, despite this being a clear violation of guidelines stating that 'when possible, the CED (Taser) should not be used... in situations where the subject may fall from an elevated surface." Subsequently Mr. Morales fatally fell head first onto the pavement below. This was captured on camera by an onlooker. Sadly the officer committed suicide soon after the incident occurred.Just months before this tragedy Alexander Lombard 3rd, the son of an NYPD veteran and a young black teen, was tasered 4 times, hit 15 times with a nightstick and put in a choke hold by an NYPD officer.

Lombard suffered serious injuries as a result of this excessive use of conduct by an officer, who arrived at a “community sponsored” barbeque in Harlem.No charges were filed against Mr. Lombard indicating that he was neither resisting arrest nor carrying a weapon. The use of the taser against this young black man can only be described as excessive and unnesscessary.

Last year the NYPD had approximately 500 tasers in use which were assigned to supervisory staff and trained Emergency Service Unit officers. However The Rand report and the NYPD are recommending that the use of these weapons is increased. The problems associated with this increase are numerous and extremely serious. Firstly, it appears the police are failing to recognize how dangerous these weapons are, as there is a risk that officers will see them as a less dangerous weapon than a handgun, when in reality both are capable of taking a life. Secondly, the racial bias in policing has yet to be properly acknowledged let alone confronted and eliminated, until the issue is resolved the chances of tasers being used disproportionately on black people is steadily increasing.

The question remains does it make sense to replace one fatal weapon with another? As we all know London just loves to copy the latest NY trends...... so i suggest you guys take this seriously too.............. you could be the next one to fall prey to this, sometimes fatal, new trend!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

When theres nothing but fear...........

I'm back...... back in that place of absolute despair, where there is no hope, no light and what seems to be no possibility for a better tomorrow. I thought I had escaped this bottomless pit of confusion and illness but it seems to have crept back to the forefront of my mind, taking over my every thought and feeling.

Back at the end of last year I sank into what me and my friends call "a depression." I put it in quotation marks as none of us are actually medically qualified and i don't want anyone to use this later on in life to prove a history of psychiatric illness (i'm serious ...dont try it) Nehu...... after i lost everything in London, I decided the best thing to do was to get on a plane and get as far the hell away from everything that i knew. I thought that if i left God may have pity on me, throw a bone in my direction and maybe, just maybe..... things would eventually take a turn for the better.

The problem was that I felt lost. More lost than i had ever felt before because i had no plan. What was next my degree was completed and a training contract didn't seem like it was going to appear any time soon. Plus I had this niggling feeling that if only i was just out of that hot darn country, (England) just away from those people who made me sooooo mad that i could feel my blood heating up veins and had to use all the strength in my body not to hurt someone or go crazy, then maybe I would find peace.

For a while i did, when i got my little retail job in New York and my internship, for a few months, until a couple of weeks ago, life was good. I could actually sit on the phone and say to my mum that i was happy, you know that unconditional happiness, where you don't have to put a "but" or any other qualification on the end of it. It was nice, u know..... actually it was blissful.

But now i'm back in that place. I can see time passing by and my birthday is approaching all i can think is what is next for this soon-to-be-22-year old. Yea, some will say 'm young take it easy! And up until a few weeks ago i had finally been content with that form of thinking, however Ive now become re-haunted by the prospect of being a nothingness, yea........... not just a nobody but a nothingness. You see i think it is possible for someone to be less than a nobody, you could be a nothing. An entity that doesn't matter, doesn't make a difference, doesn't feel anything, no emotions, no pain.......... like a robot with no purpose. And you see I have this fear that in years to come when im dead and gone, there is a possibility that someone may say "she was one of those kids with ALL THAT POTENTIAL!!!!" That potential that never amounted to anything. Those grades that never lead to a better tomorrow, all those certificates and no certification that you were actually worthy.

Yea I no its depressing, but the one thing it is, is real.

I turn to all the options and they seem to fill me with a deep, bone chilling fear that causes me to give up before i even start because it seems that rejection or failure is worse than just giving up. At least the latter is a choice that I made, at least if i give up the future of nothingness, it is in my hands, at least i know what to expect and don't give myself some false hope that can be snatched from beneath my feet, without the slightest of a warning. I can feel that moment everytime i try to start something new, i regress to all those letters that say "thanks but no thanks," " we're looking for someone with a bit more experience," "unfortunately ......." and then my stomach turns over, my head starts throbbing i go back to that frozen state of despair. In which i can do nothing except worry .......

If there is a better tomorrow i hope it comes around soon, as i'm not sure i can take much more of this. Its torturous and i learn nothing from these low moments in my life. They simply drain me of all my energy and leave me with a feeling of dread which penetrates my soul!

Maybe i just need something to fill the void......... You know maybe once i land that great job and find me a great guy, then maybe i'll never feel like that again...... bt here' the problem, i sincerely do not believe in happy where exactly does that leave me. I have to laugh at the idea, that the thought of temporary happiness can actually be of any assistance........... so im left to question........... and ponde.............. and sink. I just hope it doens't get the better of me and that one day i can write an equally long statement about how to get the hell over it!


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Boob jobs??

I just saw some pics of Christina Milian, her photoshoot for King magazine and I'm thinking... my gurl looks like shes had a boob job.

I've always been against boob jobs cos I thought it was unnecessary and was put off by the fear that post-surgery, i may never know if a guy was interested in me or my assets...... However I am not a well endowed young lady. I did gymnastics 4 times a week until i was nearly 16 and played a hell of a lot of sports which I like to fink explains the fact that every girl in my famil has huge bazonkas except me! (including my cuzin who's like 13 *rolls eyes* "why me!!) Anyhu......

I would like to know if whether a boob job is a good idea? (really do not have that kina of mulla at the mo but im planning ahead)

The way I see it the pros are:
You have big knockers, which look great in clothing
May give you a confidence boost
May make you more attractive to guys (not one im concerned about cos i fink im gd in that department)

But heres my problem and the things that totally put me off and correct me if any of this stuff is wrong:
1, Expensive surgery (i can' afford lunch todae let alone 3 grand on implants)
2, Nearly every other gurl i see at parties has fake boobs, so its seems kind of commercial and totally old news! At the end of the day if u've seen one gd boob job u've seen em all
3, If i ever decide that i may wish to reproduce (highly unlikely but there's always a possibility, when i become a millionaire ;o) ) I won't be able to breast feed
4, the silicone or whatever can leak n maybe kill me >>> so i would have paid a lot of money n endured a lot of pain and ended up poisoning myself :-/
5, I have heard a lot of guys say they like to look at fake boobs but don't like the feel of em, no mater how new the type of implant is, they don't compare to the real fing
6, I don't like pain n its painful
7, I'm clumsy and have seen and heard of the popping which scares the bejesus out of me!
8, They sag after a while, but so do the real fing so maybe that's not that important
9, o and it mite go wrong and they'll end up al wonky n shit
10, one more....... i have keloid skin so the scars will be really bad! (thats the reaosn i haven't gotten ma tattoo yet either!)

Ok so it seems cons outweigh the pros........... ok im dun after thinking it through properly im back to my previous view.... its not a gd idea!

But if anyone thinks they can convince me otherwise, please do so.........

Oh yea and the other pro of having a boob job is that cos im short n put on weight easily my tummy will always seem flatter if i have big boobs.... thus i can eat more without worrying about lookin fat.... or maybe ill just look fatter with big boobs :oS ............

NOT SURE.......... (to be continued.... lol im playing, its not that important a subject)

Cherie Amour

Double friggin standards!!!

Ok, so its all getting better now. I have a job-ish and ma social life seems to be on the up but i was speaking to some guy the other day about open relationships... which i really do not understand!!

You see, from what I can see, the problem is that the guy always has more freedom than the girl when it comes to these kind of relationships. He says "yea shes the one, u no the one that will be the wife, gives me no stress bout talking to girls etc, shes down and when i call shes there." So im like "OK so what if she goes out meets a guy and wants to go out with him for a drink .... or whatever??" ...... n surprise surprise..... His face screws up like someone just told him I shot his mama!! Seriously why is it that guys think that its OK for a gurl to sit around and wait till they have played the field and then ....eventually decide that they want to settle down!(It upset ma soul!) This whole double standards thing is startin to get on ma nerves and i fink gurls need to stop allowing guys to do this shit and fink its bloody normal! because *news flash* it's NOT!

The thing is men have no reason to have this advantage over women! Women like sex too, women are attracted to other men(I don't care how much u love ur man, if u see a fine ass brother in a sexy ass suit, u will go home n fink about what u wana do to him! *halleujah*) , women would love to go out on a fridae night, meet a nice guy, n go on a date with him tuesday night, after she spent the rest of the weeken wid her hubby.... women like a bit of variety too!!!!! I think that men need to seriously put an end to their ignorance!(i no its hard, but try) There is absolutely no reason for you to think that you have some God given right to go out n do whatever you want to just cos ur honest about it. And females if your hubby is doin this shit, talkin bout, "i wana marry u, but tonight don't call me, im doin me"...... u need to put some fear in his rass n make him stop that shit!(See blog below)

Please i'd like to hear it from the point of view of a gurl that doesn't mind her man doin this, when shes knows if she did the same he'd leave her ass quicker than she cud say... "but baby....!"

The way I see it if ur in an open relationship>>>> that means its OPEN for BOTH of you! If you expect to sleep around and then come back to ur gurl... please expect the same behavior from your other half!! Oh yea some gyu sed to me once that it was OK for him to sleep around ........ wait for this..... cos he used prtotection!..... seriously WTF???? (this statement is political is everywhich way n stil..... to this dae i don't understand that shit.... if u freakin someone else thats that, end of the story mate!.... what u want a gold start cos u protected URSELF from some,not all, some STD's! errr nah!)

Actually if i think about it im quite drawn to the conclusion that women in these situation may not actually be as dumb as im finkin. To be honest I know myself, and if ma guy was tellin me dat "ur d wife, but i need to live ma life" shit... i'd be like yea cool, but do ma bizness on the side too.... So tell me is that the way it really works? Are you girls just playin the devoted wife, while gettin ur swerve on?

I think this is maybe a more realistic point of view, especially because women now-a-days are a lot less tolerant of foolishness and are a lot more independent.

Anyhu I fink the lesson I learnt from this little experience is that if your man does not want to commit to you 100% then just do him the same favour! I think people, and this is men and women get hurt in relationships cos they give more than they receive - which has been totally true in some of my past relations. At the end of the day, if you always put in more than you get back you will never be content, cos your always goin to feel like that person owes you something... the problem is they never asked you to give more than they did. Therefore you laid your bed n you gona have to lie in it!!

Anyways just a thought while im sitting here bored out of ma brain and hungry like a dying cat!!!

Peace ;o)

Cherie Amour

Friday, February 20, 2009

How to keep your line!

OK, so relationships are one of those things that I can't live with, can't live without. Now i'm still young so im not claiming to have any kind of super expert knowledge on relations but what i do know, and have come to know quite well, is how to keep your man in line. Originally I was the bitch from hell that all men were scared of! (lol, at least i think its funny) Then a few of ma gurlies said Cherie, your too hard on the poor sods .... so i eased up.... a bit too much - one muvasucker took the piss!! Which has lead me to the understanding and need for a balance......

So u dn't know me... but let me tell you this ma mouf is loud and if u rub me the wrong way one too many times i'll kick ur ass right into the middle of next week and verbally catsrate you without hesitation. Many may think that using some of these tactics in your relationship may be damaging but it keeps your man in line. Let me explain the rationale: if your nice to his ass 24/7 there is no fear! And without fear there is NO POWER!! and power, ladies.......... is everything. But there is most definately a balance, as much as it would be fun to just ruin his whole life on a daily basis for no reason (lol, i have to laugh cos ive done this several times, J4F*) there must be a balance if you actually want to keep the realtionship going.

Alright so here are the steps: remember this is not a reciepe for making cookies: you have to play with it and incorporate the things that you know your man likes/dislikes and loathes! ;o) The key to this whole thing is NOT to get too serious; if ur laying down the law dn't be smirkin n shit, but at the same time dn't let the 'heated discussion' make u depressed and shit - it's all part of a game - be a player n wen ur done, just chill, work is over; no need to stress!

Alright so first of all in the early stages of the relationship you av to be his best friend. Be there speak to him as much as he needs you to but please (for the sake of the female species) DO NOT SMOTHER his ass! He needs space and the last thing anyone likes is a bitch that is constantly under your feet. Note: it is not cool to call him 8 times a day if you've only known him a week and it is not cool to turn up at his yard at midnight sayin u want a hug, if ur ass was not invited!!! (if u've done this ur mad and u need to allow this behaviour - its sooooo desperate! *cringe* and he will leave you for some with less 'issues')

Ok so now u have a gd rapport the plan of action kicks in. Like i said we must achieve a balance. A balance of nice and evil, kind and mean, hot and cold, happy and angry and finally the most important balance: fuck wid me and DO NOT fuck wid me!! The first time you have a little tiff (he forgets to call you for a day too long or arrives to the movies an hour too late) ASSERT yourself. Tell him he IS wrong, what he did WAS wrong and that you ain't got no time for his foolishness. Don't cuss him out too bad, cos its too early for that(dn't wori you can play satan later) Then after its all over leave do not call him, make sure u leave it for a few days then call him like nothing happened and carry on with the relationship...(if you've ever been in a realtionship you'll notice that guys do this ALL THE TIME and it works!!)

I've just realised this could be a book rather than a blog so im cut it down into the key things i think you must do to keep your man in line. If you want a book let me know ;o) lol anyhu....

1. If you argue (and this is only if you know he reallly likes you, or loves you - otherwise he'll just bounce!) make sure you always make him feel guilty about what he did. Relate what he did back to a bad childhood experience or maybe if he called you a name - say you were bullied in primary school or suttin, just so he feels the guilt. Then play the victim. Any guy with a heart can not continue acting up if he feels like a high school bully. (Unless he has no soul... in wihch case leave him before he fucks you up sooo bad u end up wid no soul! )

2. If he does something and it makes you cry - find the strength, after the tears n long chats wid ur gurlies and......... CUSS HIS RASS!!! i mean up and down, left and right, verbally assasinate his character. I've found that once a man is scared of your mouf he ain't gna keep givin u a reason to run it! In other words he will quickly pull his finger out and do the shit you tell him to do, cos he'd rather have to buy you a gift for valentines than listen to you complain for the next year about what he did not buy you for valentines!!

3. Make sure that when things are cool between you you treat him like a king! I no you didn't think you'd hear that from me but i learnt that being mean all the time is not the key to sucess. Your man needs to know that he's loved, needs to know that you got his back, that u'll give him a massage and cook him suttin to nyam ON DEMAND IF he treats you right. (yes, fellas ladies will give u d VIP treatment but u have to earn it from a real woman!)

It goes like this - he behaves you treat him like a king and he gets everything he wants, in the kitchen, the bedroom, or wherever else he wants it. But if his ass misbehaves, stops callin like he used to or even tries to raise his voice, or have some hoochie call his fone when ur wid him -----> he knows what time it is!! His ass is gna get cussed out for a gd 2/3 days and when he's tired, u run ur mouf, when he's hungry u gon run your mouth, n when he needs you - ur no where to be found!!

Sounds evil right? WRONG!! men, women, children have some things in common:
FEAR is power
Everyone can be conditioned into behaving a certain way
A good teacher can teach ANY lesson they want to.
Those who play the game..... win!!

These are the lessons and the key ways to just make sure that ur man doesn't forget that you are the boss of you! He does not own you, and you are not a commodity, he can't just buy you then neglect you and still think your gona stick around! He has to keep up the gd work and keep showin d love...... oh n he shud neva think that he runs your life! This is very important - your man is not the be all and end all. Yea you can rearrange plans for him sometimes, but don't let it be one of those: he says jump, you say how high things! That ish is not cute and after a while he WILL get bored and cheat or just leave you!

OK, finally you need to know that if your man is or might be a Chris Brown, beat-ur-ass-up-and-down-the-sidewalk-in-public kina brother - this will NOT work!!! (lol i have to laugh cos its obvious but some people overlook the obvious - *clears throat* rihanna)-political announcement: im sori that was mean domestic violence is a serious issue and it is never acceptable. OK moving on.....

Also if you man is a lot smarter than you, like always has an answer for everything you say (you no them smart mouf muvas) ........ do not let him talk his way around you. This is how you deal with it: it has to be on your terms and you have to know what the fuck your gna say(even if you have to write it down read it out over the phone then hang up so he'd can't give ur mind a gd hot wuk n fuck wid ur head!). I cannot stand a chick who's like 'babes i need to talk to you' then he looks at you ...... and u gt sweet FA to say! First of all your gna annoy him cos ur wasting his time and secondly, he might think your scared to say what you need to say - which may lead him to believe that your weak! please note: Weakness is NOT cute! (Oh yea guys i know this isn't really the kina blog u will support but if u can keep it real and tell the ladies that weak, is not cute!)

Anyways this is just an introduction try these steps and tips: in a sensible way!! and let me know what you think. It's worked for all ma friends (like to think i've healed and saved alot of relationships) if it works with you, let me know.

Cherie Amour

**Just 4 Fun

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Disparture - no its not a spelling mistake!

Ok. So i get it it was my choice to move out here and my decision to be away from my friends and family but this is really beginning to suck. Yes im bi-polar and just yesterday i was over excited and happy about my new life - full of enthusiasm and excitement and now im back to this depressive condition that is taking control of my mind, body and soul (It's emotional!)

My problem is that i'm constantly in competition with everything and everyone, even if they are totally unaware of it. Just today I looked at a friend's facebook page. Shes doing soo well on an internship and she seems so happy about every other aspect of her life. Now don't get me wrong - I am definitely not begrudging her. Shes worked hard and been through a lot so yea she deserves her happiness. My problem is that i feel i too deserve more happiness. Is it just me or does it always seem like there's always sooo much more you could do!?

See my other problem is that no matter what i can't help but think that everyone at home has forgotten me. I'm a lost soul - trying to move forward, but ultimately trapped in limbo, a total place of nothingness. Its tiresome, depressing, saddens my heart and right now i want to cry. Although i am totally aware that i have neither the time or energy to cry and won't, due to the fact that i am painfully aware of the fact, that such actions will change nothing! (i soo deserve the optimist of the year award right?! lol) So ....Yea; im doomed!!! not only am i a cynic but i have come to realise that when stuff sucks there is NOTHING you can do except wait it out. (I'm a pessimist with lots of time on my hands-great!this should end well!) Anyways by all means correct me if im wrong......

So...... this whole situation makes me think about death or any other kind of departure. All are so sad, constantly weeping, making gestures to show how much they miss that person but after a month or two maybe six if you were really close, it fades away.(Maybe not for all but for the majority - keep it real people!) The deep aching in your heart subsides and dissolves until you have a memory with little or no emotions attached to it.(You remember the person but it takes alot more for you to well up) I think that in the case where a loved one or friend has passed this is acceptable but here's my problem..... i'm not dead! Yet i constantly feel like the people who i loved so long and so hard are going through this process of what i will call ....... disparture; a mix of departure and dissassociation. It's like i left and in return they just forgot about me! (I know if i read this i would laugh cos its a bit of a petty complaint but it's my reality and i needed to get it off my chest! I suppose for a change i am not ultimately faced with a question. Instead this is just a reality. (I hear a chorus of 'get over it'.....)

I know its all a bit depressing right? but this is how i feel and im sure alot of other people have been here, so how do you deal with it??

See i've come to the conclusion that the reality is that you don't have to die for people you to dissolve out of people's minds and hearts. It appears that out of sight, out of mind apply's to everything. Or maybe i just wasn't the kind of person that people feel the need to remember?! I duno anymore! Of course im not overlooking the fact that people have their own lives to lead, im just sayin - i didn't realise how easily we can forget people and just get the hell on with life! (ok maybe the comparison to death was slightly dramatic but u get it right.....)

Anyhu I suppose i can see the silver lining of this 'disparturisation'; a new lesson. I think what i'm learning is that people are people (understatement of the year rite!?) anyway no matter how much you may hold on to something or someone, you have no guarantee that they will hold on to you. After all i still have my family and a few peeps who hola, which i should (and will) appreciate more. Anyways in my view its best if, after a while, you just let go!

And its definitely time for me to let go!

Cherie Amour

Monday, February 16, 2009

Sick of reality!!

Success is all around us, all of the time. Whether it be on the success of a friend or loved one or that gurl that went to your primary school who's now a millionaire *kmt* biatch! Anyhu in addition, to the pressure we have from everyday life there is the T.V. (something my mother calls the idiot box for all the right reasons). Anyways now-a-days or at least in the last five years no matter what channel i turn on i have to endure someone else's success being rubbed in may face or shoved down my throat. I wouldn't mind so much but all i see is a celebrity showing off their wealth on cribs (which ain't helpin ma life or educatin me), or a reality hoar with their own show (like 'new york' - eww!) or a woman who has done nothing except lay on her back for a living, reaping rewards i can't even dream of (like half the wenches on real housewives of whatever.)

Anyways i have another issue, why is it that I am so overexposed to success that comes from (what i suppose you could call) the entertainment industry and why only them? My other problem is: why it is sooo much harder to become a lawyer than a reality T.V. flop but somehow the latter seems to make more money, more quickly and with less hard work than the former? (is that f**ked up or what? - i mean think about it) This new reality T.V. culture is upsetting my soul and I would like to understand why exactly it is that society allows such foolishness to influence the minds of the new generation?

I mean everytime i turn on the T.V. i'm faced with Paris Hilton's BFF, or bromance (a load of damn foolishness, which is not normal!) or real chance of love, rock of love etc. I mean most of the contestants are totally clueless - i mean thick... beyond.... belief and yet, they are the ones that have millions of people listening to them each day. If this isn't the quickest way to dumb down an entire generation then what is??

And why o why can no one think of something better to put on the T.V.? seriously i thought the writer's strike was over ages ago?! Its like, being on T.V. used to be a privilege - either you were a good actor/musician, funny ass comedian, gorgeous (and slightly intellectual) model or someone with something to say that could improve the lives of others (e.g. Oprah - i'm not into talk shows but this is my attempt at understanding the rationale behind them). Anyway, basically you had to be someone with TALENT. So..... T.V. was the reward - a global stage on which to share your talent with others. That i can understand! But today it seems you can have fame, celebrity status(which used to be a good thing until people like jade goody acquired the title) monetary rewards and all the trimmings if you act as mentally dilapidated, uncultured, promiscuous and undignified as possible. Three letters spring to mind...... WTF????

Now as a young person who was taught that sitting in front of the T.V. will get you nowhere, bad manners will leave you with no friends and hard work and integrity are values one should aspire to, I am finding it difficult to understand why everyone complains about the youth today?? If this is what society has passed down to them (how to be a hoar and act like you have the mental age of a 3 year old) If all you see is people selling their stories and souls for a quick buck how can society expect the youth of today not to grow up as promiscuous money hungry fools with no ambitions and no respect for others?!

Anyways the idea of this little brainstorm is toencourage people to ignore this new trend of being unambitious and undignified and instead try to focus on traditional goals, like having a meaningful career, which touches the lives of others rather than selling your soul to the devil to make a quick buck. And hopefully sooner or later this horrible fad which is reality T.V. will be over so the world can advance instead or regress!

And please if anyone can think of a better idea than reality T.V. i urge you to pitch it to MTV, BET, VH1 and any other channel that will listen,because we definitely need a change in this department!

Lesson of transition:
If you think that instant gratification exists, you better check out the price tag before you throw yourself in at the deep end!
Reality T.V. may get you a name and some fame, but be sure that you want the new title you will acquire!

Cherie Amour

Just Me

Ok, so I thought I should begin with breif introduction of myself. I'm 21 years old and just moved to New York from London - alone. Yes totally alone. No family, no friends.... I'm out of my comfort zone and feeling like i dashed myslef in at the deep end for what may be no apparent reason.

I moved out here with an ambition, if u wna be romantic about it, a dream. My goal is to get a job in a law firm, as a paralegal or legal assistant then take the New York Bar, pass and become the most sucessful (and gorgeous) attorneys alive. Yea, its far fetched but we can all dream right.

Anyways, it seems the universe was not on my side and neither was the economy, which has been kickin ma ass since I graduated last year, with a law degree, which caused me to lose my hair and a significant percentage of my sanity. Nonetheless I am still trying. Trying to find a job, trying to start my life from scratch and trying to really find out who I am and what i'm made of.


Cherie Amour
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