Monday, April 27, 2009

The one

Ok so i was at the end of my tether again this weekend. My boyfriend/x-boyfriend/ unclassifiable other half and I have an extremely complicated relationship especially with me being overseas and all. So i was having a good old banter with "the wise one" aka mummy and we got onto the topic of relationships. Of course we didn't specifically talk about me and my other half, as its important to draw the line between mother and friend..... but that's another story! Anyhu i learnt a few lessons so thought i would share.

If you find them helpful, disagree, love, hate em or even think they are relevant leave a comment by clicking on the comment link below this post.

OK so you know when you have those relationships where you give and give and give and for some reason you never seem to get back what you put in........... that imbalance is not just a display of a lack of effort on one persons part it is also a sign of an imbalance of power. He has all the power and you, well unfortunately all you will end up with is a whole in your pocket and a whole in your wallet!!

What you need to do is understand that if your constantly giving more than you receive the chances are that he/she doesn't want the relationship as much as you do. Yea, I get it your in love, and there is ALWAYS a healthy excuse for why exactly he/she couldn't make it to your show or didn't feel like driving to your house that night, but sooner or later you have to just admit it................. these are excuses NOT reasons!!!

Another thing is this............. you know when you start off in a relationship and sometimes, not always, its smooth sailing, you know easy going, no arguments, no psychotic displays of jealously or rage.......... yea dig deep people......... there you go. Well, after those times pass you are left with the reality of a relationship:
  • arguments: if its everyday..... chile get out of dat mess, it is not healthy and its not fair on either of you, plus your dragging out the inevitable.....which is that ultimately one of you will get tired of it and RUN, far far away! either that or someone will end up wid a busted lip......
  • stress; every relationship has its stresses, just because it is largely affected by your life circumstances............... if your stressed at work, when u get home who u gna end up irritable at????
  • decisions; the main one being am i gna stay wit this person or should i pack ma damn bags......
Don't get me wrong, even in the worst relationship you can find some good times, BUT PLEASE, ladies and gentlemen...... boys and girls, do not CONFUSE a bad relationship, with some good times, with a good relationship with some bad times. And let me warn you........ it is a VERY VERY thin line!!!

Anyways the point is that if your a serious person and not a groupie when a relationship gets to that point where you don't know what to do i think you need to ask a series of questions: (and please do not LIE to yourself about the answers.... that's jus plain pointless)

  1. Are you in love? There is a BIG difference between being "in love" with a person and "loving" someone, i love ma friends and family but i ain't in love with them, hell theres a possibility you may love some of your ex's but guess wt............. dey ex's for a reason ya dig!
  2. Does your path and the one in question's path lead to the same place? In other words are you going to end up wasting 4 years of your life cos while he/she was in uni you were good but now his/her ass wants to move across seas???? (something i myself am guilty of)
  3. And this is not a question this is just a fact:
When you are with the person who is the one................. you will know that they are the one!

See the thing is a lot of people just hang around in relationships that are mediocre, you know they are content but never happy, and the problem is that one day you will go out and look for that thing that you are missing then............... BOOM the relationship "dun!"

Here's the thing..... if the sex is WACK now, like you just don't have that connection..... guess what.... the chances are you ain't never gna have that connection then ..............surprise surprise one of you is probably gna cheat............... relationship "dun!"

If he never bought you shit in the beginning........... what you fink is gna happen later down the line........ nothing....... people don't change if they have no reason to, and some people don't even change if they have a GOOD REASON to change!

If he was scarred of commitment before..... what the hell you think he gna say when u wana get a mortgage wit his ass or just a joint account.............. muvafucka gna telll u HELLLL NO!

Anyway i think there are a number of lessons that can be learnt form this but the main one can be summed up as:

When you find the one...... you will know he/she is the one..................... if your if-ing, but-ing and constantly questioning a relationship and having to manoeuvre each week with the skill of a race track professional, you need to be true to yourself, even if you know it may be painful in the short term!

Cherie Amour

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Lessons in Transition by Cherie Amour is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
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