Friday, May 15, 2009

I love him...... but im not in love

For what feels like an eternity i've been trying to figure out what the difference is between loving someone (not your family or friends but your boyfriend or partner) and being in love with someone. How do you know when you love him/her but your no longer in love with that person? And if your not in love does that mean that you should just be friends?

This is something i've been struggling with for some time. See the thing is that when you love someone its more or less the same as being in love with that person; if you speak to them they make you smile, if you see them they give you butterflies when they get a little closer, if they are going through some bad times, your heart aches for them you know? So where is the line?

I think the first thing that i have learned is that you can fall in and out of love as quickly as you can turn a light switch on and off. I think you know when your no longer in love with someone when you have the ability to disconnect with them emotionally. It's like, when your in love, no matter how hard you try or how bad the relationship is you can NOT disconnect emotionally, to the point where you find that your mind is racing 24/7 with thoughts of that person. I think there comes a point when that stops! When you can leave that person in a room or politely excuse yourself from a conversation that is about to get ugly and actually go to sleep without asking yourself 100 questions before you can even start to function like a human being again.

But what does it mean if you can 100% say that you love someone......... but your not in love? Does it mean that that person is just a friend, after all isn't that the only difference between friends and "the one;" with the former you love them but with the latter your totally in love with them?

After trying to figure this out for the last 9 months, having moments when i hated him, then loved him, then just "didn't give a shit anymore" I realised that my initial reaction was wrong. When I first could admit to myself and truly knew in my heart that i'd fallen out of love, i thought it was a sure sign that the relationship was done, and i was about to break out the friendship bracelet( i kid you not, it was going to be my lil peace offering) Now after nearly a year of torturous confusion and emotional turmoil (dn't act like i'm the only one that's been up at night trying to figure shit out, bout to write some mad list of pros and cons.....) Anyways.... i've decided that in any long lasting relationship people will fall in and out of love.

People are people and your always going to have 2nd thoughts, but if you still love that person no matter what............. isn't that in some ways stronger than being in love? You see if your in love you can fall out of love right? But if you love someone........ well you just love them..... they become a permanent fixture in your heart..... like they become a part of you. So doesn't it make sense that your probably meant to be together when you just have unconditional love for a person?

Saying that takes me back to the whole friend thing....... what's the difference between a friend and that person you should spend the rest of your life with? To be honest I'm questioning if there is a difference........ how many times have you heard that lil speech that "you should be friends first," implying that........... if your not friends its not going to work out, eventually the sex will fizzle out or conversation will fall flat on its ass and you'll be left with no connection.

I suppose in reality its all about balance, you need a friendship but you need to have a spark of passion that makes the difference between "were great friends, lets watch a DVD" and " were great friends but we ain't gona see the end of this DVD......" (if you get my drift) But hold on that leads me to another question: Can you just be really good friends with a physical connection and sexual attraction? ...........................or is that in itself the definition of a boyfriend/girlfriend/wifey etc? Do you have friends that your attracted to and "love" to death and would even have great sex with, but would never be in a relationship with?

OK.... i give up! Thoughts please: Maybe someone can straighten this out for me?

Cherie Amour

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Money come, Money go......Money stay??

Money Money Money........this word is literally taking over my life! Have you wondered why o why it is that when you have no money you spend no money...... but yet as you start to earn money you somehow can NOT seem to keep any of it???!!! Am I just a bad saver or is there something else going on here??! (ok its takes a while to get to my point but keep reading and you will learn how to save money..... i did!)

OK so when it comes to finances I have been there, highs and lows. When I was in university at like.... 18/19/20 I had more money than i knew what to do with.... I mean out of my ears, shopping every other weekend, $100'z worth of shit i can't even find anymore money! *looks up and shakes head* o baby...... those were the good days!

I had enough money to have my own car, apartment, go on holidays annually with ma gurlies and even have enough dosh to GIVE SHIT AWAY!!!! yea....... i was all for buying the rounds.... shame you didn't know me back then! .....Anyways then this bitchass recession came to fruition and started kickin ma ass like it was goin outta fashion!!! (sound familiar?)

First the jobs(i say jobS cos i had two, yes two and lost 2..... yes TWO!)..... bye!.... then the car.....asta-la-vista Baby -G (that was ma cars name!) Nehu the apartment shortly followed and the numerous phone contracts etc etc etc....... the long and short of it is i lost it all! Yea cry me a river........ for real this shit should bring as tear to your eye...... *sniff sniff* (nah, i kid.... im over it now.) Bear wit me im gettin to the lesson.....

Anyways once it was all gone I learnt to live on NOTHING!!! im dead serious.... i found a way to eat without buying a single item from any fast food place or cafe or restaurant.... i had it down to a tea...... i mean i could go to a bar, drink for free and have a hot darn fab nite out!

So I get another job when i moved to NYC a few months ago and although i have more than i did when i had NO INCOME i still can't seem to keep any of it! Anyway here's the lesson......

I think that when we know that we will have money coming in the next week or month, we abuse the money that we have at the moment.... its like "yea i can buy this $20 top that i totally don't need, cos tomorrow i'll have another $20" .... what I and alot of other people seem NOT to realise is money/income is NEVER guaranteed! The only thing that is guaranteed is that you will always need money:


NO guarantee you will get money
100% guarantee you will NEED money

This is the lesson that i have learnt the hard way. The question that i asked myself was why can't i seem to save money? And the answer that I found was that its all about your frame of mind! When i was broke i thought "I'm broke!" end of..... there was no questions involved!...... NO you can't have the top YOUR BROKE! ....... NO you don't need the food, even if your stomach is cussin your ass OUT LOUD (for the world to hear!) ..... that was that.... NO meant NO!

The thing is i gt a little bit of freedom cos i started gettin a little ass paycheck.... n i mean LITTLE, fink minimum wage....retail...p/t.....ya dig! (its emotional, dont laugh!) Anyway i know im gettin ma little ass paycheck so i fink i can buy a little ass gift.... (you do it too rite?)...... well heres the THING, YOU CAN'T!!!!! ....... WHY? ........ cos your ASS is still BROKE!!!!

You need to tell yourself that every time you go to a mall..... or a fast food place....... why?........ cos having a little ass bit of money...... is worse than having no money at all..... as your under the illusion that you got something when the reality is...... you can not affordit! You can NOT afford to buy anything that you couldn't buy FIVE TIMES over without flinching!

That's my rule.... if i can't afford to buy it FIVE times over without flinchin.,... then i do NOT have enough MONEY to buy it!!!

Just try that and i guarantee you will start to save! The thing is you have to put your mind in BROKE mode, cos then you start to find ways to get by, and save more money than you would have ever saved before.

Think BROKE and you will save! Use the five time rule and you will curb you spending!

Anyhu try it out and let me know if it works!!! Here's the ohter thing i realised...... if i lived without it before..... i can live without it again! Happy saving!!

Cherie Amour

Just a thought..... on how to break out!

Ok so what happens when your really wna leave but haven't got the strength to do it???

What happens when your in that place where your caught between a rock and a hard place..... u don't want to stay because you know it could be better but you don't wana leave cos.... lets face it it could be worse! .... much worse..... what to do??

This is a conundrum that I find myself in more often than i would like.... its somewhere that countless numbers of my friends have been and to be perfectly honest there is no one perfect answer........

But I had a thought today that I wish to share...... if you can stay with a guy and slowly detach yourself, emotionally....... gta keep d physical ting goin though..... otherwise lets face it your just gna be angry n tight all the time!............ anyway i think you can stay in a relationship while you go outside of the relationship and look for someone else...... as long as the other person knows that this shit is NO LONGER EXCLUSIVE!

Anyways i was just thinking about it and wondered if that is a terrible way to think/ a terrible thing to do?? Let me know!

No lessons today..... when it comes to this subject im still learning!

Cherie Amour

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Lessons in Transition by Cherie Amour is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
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