Monday, April 27, 2009

The one

Ok so i was at the end of my tether again this weekend. My boyfriend/x-boyfriend/ unclassifiable other half and I have an extremely complicated relationship especially with me being overseas and all. So i was having a good old banter with "the wise one" aka mummy and we got onto the topic of relationships. Of course we didn't specifically talk about me and my other half, as its important to draw the line between mother and friend..... but that's another story! Anyhu i learnt a few lessons so thought i would share.

If you find them helpful, disagree, love, hate em or even think they are relevant leave a comment by clicking on the comment link below this post.

OK so you know when you have those relationships where you give and give and give and for some reason you never seem to get back what you put in........... that imbalance is not just a display of a lack of effort on one persons part it is also a sign of an imbalance of power. He has all the power and you, well unfortunately all you will end up with is a whole in your pocket and a whole in your wallet!!

What you need to do is understand that if your constantly giving more than you receive the chances are that he/she doesn't want the relationship as much as you do. Yea, I get it your in love, and there is ALWAYS a healthy excuse for why exactly he/she couldn't make it to your show or didn't feel like driving to your house that night, but sooner or later you have to just admit it................. these are excuses NOT reasons!!!

Another thing is this............. you know when you start off in a relationship and sometimes, not always, its smooth sailing, you know easy going, no arguments, no psychotic displays of jealously or rage.......... yea dig deep people......... there you go. Well, after those times pass you are left with the reality of a relationship:
  • arguments: if its everyday..... chile get out of dat mess, it is not healthy and its not fair on either of you, plus your dragging out the inevitable.....which is that ultimately one of you will get tired of it and RUN, far far away! either that or someone will end up wid a busted lip......
  • stress; every relationship has its stresses, just because it is largely affected by your life circumstances............... if your stressed at work, when u get home who u gna end up irritable at????
  • decisions; the main one being am i gna stay wit this person or should i pack ma damn bags......
Don't get me wrong, even in the worst relationship you can find some good times, BUT PLEASE, ladies and gentlemen...... boys and girls, do not CONFUSE a bad relationship, with some good times, with a good relationship with some bad times. And let me warn you........ it is a VERY VERY thin line!!!

Anyways the point is that if your a serious person and not a groupie when a relationship gets to that point where you don't know what to do i think you need to ask a series of questions: (and please do not LIE to yourself about the answers.... that's jus plain pointless)

  1. Are you in love? There is a BIG difference between being "in love" with a person and "loving" someone, i love ma friends and family but i ain't in love with them, hell theres a possibility you may love some of your ex's but guess wt............. dey ex's for a reason ya dig!
  2. Does your path and the one in question's path lead to the same place? In other words are you going to end up wasting 4 years of your life cos while he/she was in uni you were good but now his/her ass wants to move across seas???? (something i myself am guilty of)
  3. And this is not a question this is just a fact:
When you are with the person who is the one................. you will know that they are the one!

See the thing is a lot of people just hang around in relationships that are mediocre, you know they are content but never happy, and the problem is that one day you will go out and look for that thing that you are missing then............... BOOM the relationship "dun!"

Here's the thing..... if the sex is WACK now, like you just don't have that connection..... guess what.... the chances are you ain't never gna have that connection then ..............surprise surprise one of you is probably gna cheat............... relationship "dun!"

If he never bought you shit in the beginning........... what you fink is gna happen later down the line........ nothing....... people don't change if they have no reason to, and some people don't even change if they have a GOOD REASON to change!

If he was scarred of commitment before..... what the hell you think he gna say when u wana get a mortgage wit his ass or just a joint account.............. muvafucka gna telll u HELLLL NO!

Anyway i think there are a number of lessons that can be learnt form this but the main one can be summed up as:

When you find the one...... you will know he/she is the one..................... if your if-ing, but-ing and constantly questioning a relationship and having to manoeuvre each week with the skill of a race track professional, you need to be true to yourself, even if you know it may be painful in the short term!

Cherie Amour

Friday, April 24, 2009

Hobson’s Choice: a fatal handgun or a fatal taser?

On Friday 24th April 2009 "The Afrospear" and "Electronic villiage" are setting aside a day for bloggers all over the world to stand up against the use of tasers, otherwise referred to by the NYPD as “Conducted Energy Devices (CED’s). To participate in this Day of Blogging for Justice: Standing Up Against the Police Pre-Trial Electrocution simply:

1. Post a blog about outlining your concerns and views on the tasering of black people.
2. Send an e-mail to to allow a record of participation to be created.

(Go to for more information) is strongly against the use of tasers following the shocking information revealed by the New York Civil Liberties Union . The NYCLU highlight the fact that NYPD appear to be increasing the use of tasers without conducting any kind of research of public opinion. The Rand Report , which was supposed to be aimed at evaluating the racial disparities in NYPD practices, following the fatal shooting of Sean Bell, a 23-year old black man who was killed on his wedding day by undercover and plain clothes officers, has instead focused on supporting the increased use of tasers as a replacement for handguns. The use of these weapons has been linked to hundreds of serious injuries and fatalities. Thus the question remains, does it make sense to replace one deadly weapon with another?

Last year in New York police fatally shot a Mr. Morales, who was a 35 year old man suffering from mental illness. The police were in fact responding to a call by Mr. Morales’ mother, who had resorted to calling the NYPD after her son had stopped taking his medication. This had resulted in him standing on a mental box that was on top of a store’s security gate, naked, screaming incoherently with an 8 foot luminescent light bulb in his grasp.

Lt. Michael Pigott had issued the order to shoot Mr. Morales, despite this being a clear violation of guidelines stating that 'when possible, the CED (Taser) should not be used... in situations where the subject may fall from an elevated surface." Subsequently Mr. Morales fatally fell head first onto the pavement below. This was captured on camera by an onlooker. Sadly the officer committed suicide soon after the incident occurred.Just months before this tragedy Alexander Lombard 3rd, the son of an NYPD veteran and a young black teen, was tasered 4 times, hit 15 times with a nightstick and put in a choke hold by an NYPD officer.

Lombard suffered serious injuries as a result of this excessive use of conduct by an officer, who arrived at a “community sponsored” barbeque in Harlem.No charges were filed against Mr. Lombard indicating that he was neither resisting arrest nor carrying a weapon. The use of the taser against this young black man can only be described as excessive and unnesscessary.

Last year the NYPD had approximately 500 tasers in use which were assigned to supervisory staff and trained Emergency Service Unit officers. However The Rand report and the NYPD are recommending that the use of these weapons is increased. The problems associated with this increase are numerous and extremely serious. Firstly, it appears the police are failing to recognize how dangerous these weapons are, as there is a risk that officers will see them as a less dangerous weapon than a handgun, when in reality both are capable of taking a life. Secondly, the racial bias in policing has yet to be properly acknowledged let alone confronted and eliminated, until the issue is resolved the chances of tasers being used disproportionately on black people is steadily increasing.

The question remains does it make sense to replace one fatal weapon with another? As we all know London just loves to copy the latest NY trends...... so i suggest you guys take this seriously too.............. you could be the next one to fall prey to this, sometimes fatal, new trend!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

When theres nothing but fear...........

I'm back...... back in that place of absolute despair, where there is no hope, no light and what seems to be no possibility for a better tomorrow. I thought I had escaped this bottomless pit of confusion and illness but it seems to have crept back to the forefront of my mind, taking over my every thought and feeling.

Back at the end of last year I sank into what me and my friends call "a depression." I put it in quotation marks as none of us are actually medically qualified and i don't want anyone to use this later on in life to prove a history of psychiatric illness (i'm serious ...dont try it) Nehu...... after i lost everything in London, I decided the best thing to do was to get on a plane and get as far the hell away from everything that i knew. I thought that if i left God may have pity on me, throw a bone in my direction and maybe, just maybe..... things would eventually take a turn for the better.

The problem was that I felt lost. More lost than i had ever felt before because i had no plan. What was next my degree was completed and a training contract didn't seem like it was going to appear any time soon. Plus I had this niggling feeling that if only i was just out of that hot darn country, (England) just away from those people who made me sooooo mad that i could feel my blood heating up veins and had to use all the strength in my body not to hurt someone or go crazy, then maybe I would find peace.

For a while i did, when i got my little retail job in New York and my internship, for a few months, until a couple of weeks ago, life was good. I could actually sit on the phone and say to my mum that i was happy, you know that unconditional happiness, where you don't have to put a "but" or any other qualification on the end of it. It was nice, u know..... actually it was blissful.

But now i'm back in that place. I can see time passing by and my birthday is approaching all i can think is what is next for this soon-to-be-22-year old. Yea, some will say 'm young take it easy! And up until a few weeks ago i had finally been content with that form of thinking, however Ive now become re-haunted by the prospect of being a nothingness, yea........... not just a nobody but a nothingness. You see i think it is possible for someone to be less than a nobody, you could be a nothing. An entity that doesn't matter, doesn't make a difference, doesn't feel anything, no emotions, no pain.......... like a robot with no purpose. And you see I have this fear that in years to come when im dead and gone, there is a possibility that someone may say "she was one of those kids with ALL THAT POTENTIAL!!!!" That potential that never amounted to anything. Those grades that never lead to a better tomorrow, all those certificates and no certification that you were actually worthy.

Yea I no its depressing, but the one thing it is, is real.

I turn to all the options and they seem to fill me with a deep, bone chilling fear that causes me to give up before i even start because it seems that rejection or failure is worse than just giving up. At least the latter is a choice that I made, at least if i give up the future of nothingness, it is in my hands, at least i know what to expect and don't give myself some false hope that can be snatched from beneath my feet, without the slightest of a warning. I can feel that moment everytime i try to start something new, i regress to all those letters that say "thanks but no thanks," " we're looking for someone with a bit more experience," "unfortunately ......." and then my stomach turns over, my head starts throbbing i go back to that frozen state of despair. In which i can do nothing except worry .......

If there is a better tomorrow i hope it comes around soon, as i'm not sure i can take much more of this. Its torturous and i learn nothing from these low moments in my life. They simply drain me of all my energy and leave me with a feeling of dread which penetrates my soul!

Maybe i just need something to fill the void......... You know maybe once i land that great job and find me a great guy, then maybe i'll never feel like that again...... bt here' the problem, i sincerely do not believe in happy where exactly does that leave me. I have to laugh at the idea, that the thought of temporary happiness can actually be of any assistance........... so im left to question........... and ponde.............. and sink. I just hope it doens't get the better of me and that one day i can write an equally long statement about how to get the hell over it!

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Lessons in Transition by Cherie Amour is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
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