For what feels like an eternity i've been trying to figure out what the difference is between loving someone (not your family or friends but your boyfriend or partner) and being in love with someone. How do you know when you love him/her but your no longer in love with that person? And if your not in love does that mean that you should just be friends?
This is something i've been struggling with for some time. See the thing is that when you love someone its more or less the same as being in love with that person; if you speak to them they make you smile, if you see them they give you butterflies when they get a little closer, if they are going through some bad times, your heart aches for them you know? So where is the line?
I think the first thing that i have learned is that you can fall in and out of love as quickly as you can turn a light switch on and off. I think you know when your no longer in love with someone when you have the ability to disconnect with them emotionally. It's like, when your in love, no matter how hard you try or how bad the relationship is you can NOT disconnect emotionally, to the point where you find that your mind is racing 24/7 with thoughts of that person. I think there comes a point when that stops! When you can leave that person in a room or politely excuse yourself from a conversation that is about to get ugly and actually go to sleep without asking yourself 100 questions before you can even start to function like a human being again.
But what does it mean if you can 100% say that you love someone......... but your not in love? Does it mean that that person is just a friend, after all isn't that the only difference between friends and "the one;" with the former you love them but with the latter your totally in love with them?
After trying to figure this out for the last 9 months, having moments when i hated him, then loved him, then just "didn't give a shit anymore" I realised that my initial reaction was wrong. When I first could admit to myself and truly knew in my heart that i'd fallen out of love, i thought it was a sure sign that the relationship was done, and i was about to break out the friendship bracelet( i kid you not, it was going to be my lil peace offering) Now after nearly a year of torturous confusion and emotional turmoil (dn't act like i'm the only one that's been up at night trying to figure shit out, bout to write some mad list of pros and cons.....) Anyways.... i've decided that in any long lasting relationship people will fall in and out of love.
People are people and your always going to have 2nd thoughts, but if you still love that person no matter what............. isn't that in some ways stronger than being in love? You see if your in love you can fall out of love right? But if you love someone........ well you just love them..... they become a permanent fixture in your heart..... like they become a part of you. So doesn't it make sense that your probably meant to be together when you just have unconditional love for a person?
Saying that takes me back to the whole friend thing....... what's the difference between a friend and that person you should spend the rest of your life with? To be honest I'm questioning if there is a difference........ how many times have you heard that lil speech that "you should be friends first," implying that........... if your not friends its not going to work out, eventually the sex will fizzle out or conversation will fall flat on its ass and you'll be left with no connection.
I suppose in reality its all about balance, you need a friendship but you need to have a spark of passion that makes the difference between "were great friends, lets watch a DVD" and " were great friends but we ain't gona see the end of this DVD......" (if you get my drift) But hold on that leads me to another question: Can you just be really good friends with a physical connection and sexual attraction? ...........................or is that in itself the definition of a boyfriend/girlfriend/wifey etc? Do you have friends that your attracted to and "love" to death and would even have great sex with, but would never be in a relationship with?
OK.... i give up! Thoughts please: Maybe someone can straighten this out for me?
Cherie Amour
xcxcx
This is something i've been struggling with for some time. See the thing is that when you love someone its more or less the same as being in love with that person; if you speak to them they make you smile, if you see them they give you butterflies when they get a little closer, if they are going through some bad times, your heart aches for them you know? So where is the line?
I think the first thing that i have learned is that you can fall in and out of love as quickly as you can turn a light switch on and off. I think you know when your no longer in love with someone when you have the ability to disconnect with them emotionally. It's like, when your in love, no matter how hard you try or how bad the relationship is you can NOT disconnect emotionally, to the point where you find that your mind is racing 24/7 with thoughts of that person. I think there comes a point when that stops! When you can leave that person in a room or politely excuse yourself from a conversation that is about to get ugly and actually go to sleep without asking yourself 100 questions before you can even start to function like a human being again.
But what does it mean if you can 100% say that you love someone......... but your not in love? Does it mean that that person is just a friend, after all isn't that the only difference between friends and "the one;" with the former you love them but with the latter your totally in love with them?
After trying to figure this out for the last 9 months, having moments when i hated him, then loved him, then just "didn't give a shit anymore" I realised that my initial reaction was wrong. When I first could admit to myself and truly knew in my heart that i'd fallen out of love, i thought it was a sure sign that the relationship was done, and i was about to break out the friendship bracelet( i kid you not, it was going to be my lil peace offering) Now after nearly a year of torturous confusion and emotional turmoil (dn't act like i'm the only one that's been up at night trying to figure shit out, bout to write some mad list of pros and cons.....) Anyways.... i've decided that in any long lasting relationship people will fall in and out of love.
People are people and your always going to have 2nd thoughts, but if you still love that person no matter what............. isn't that in some ways stronger than being in love? You see if your in love you can fall out of love right? But if you love someone........ well you just love them..... they become a permanent fixture in your heart..... like they become a part of you. So doesn't it make sense that your probably meant to be together when you just have unconditional love for a person?
Saying that takes me back to the whole friend thing....... what's the difference between a friend and that person you should spend the rest of your life with? To be honest I'm questioning if there is a difference........ how many times have you heard that lil speech that "you should be friends first," implying that........... if your not friends its not going to work out, eventually the sex will fizzle out or conversation will fall flat on its ass and you'll be left with no connection.
I suppose in reality its all about balance, you need a friendship but you need to have a spark of passion that makes the difference between "were great friends, lets watch a DVD" and " were great friends but we ain't gona see the end of this DVD......" (if you get my drift) But hold on that leads me to another question: Can you just be really good friends with a physical connection and sexual attraction? ...........................or is that in itself the definition of a boyfriend/girlfriend/wifey etc? Do you have friends that your attracted to and "love" to death and would even have great sex with, but would never be in a relationship with?
OK.... i give up! Thoughts please: Maybe someone can straighten this out for me?
Cherie Amour
xcxcx
